I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
