dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
