I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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