I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
