A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
