READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
