I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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