This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
