Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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