At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my poor anus
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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