Sponge bath it is.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
