I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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