My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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