I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
