I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
