I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
