Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney