Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
