I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
