What did we do last night that was yellow?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
