I'm lost and stupid without you.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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