I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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