my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
