Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you didnt know i had herpes?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
