he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
