if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
