North Korea, Best Korea!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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