Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
