can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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