My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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