These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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