mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
