just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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