Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
