Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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