Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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