my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
