i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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