I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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I can't turn off my feet"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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