Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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