About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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