i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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