Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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