Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
