Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
