Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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