Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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