my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.