I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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