dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says