Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Boobs speak an international language.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.