Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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