My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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