Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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