I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
