if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i think my cat just said my name.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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