what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
