He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
