I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
