My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
