Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
