Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
