thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
