so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
