i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
