My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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