I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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