please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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