Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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