Moan for me like Helen Keller
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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