Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
