I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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