I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
