captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
