OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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