Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
