There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
