stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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