Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
