chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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