His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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