Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
