Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
