I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
