I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
