How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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