Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
