walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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