I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
