I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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