sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
