I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
