Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
